Money Mistakes that Can Ruin Your Relationships


Transcript

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- Believe it or not, your
relationships affect your money.

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And you know what your
relationships might just need?

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A little TLC.

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And I'm not talking about
chasing any waterfalls.

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(lively upbeat music)

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Oh, relationships!

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We've all got them.

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Whether it's your spouse,
family, coworkers, friends,

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you're dealing with
different people every day.

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But today, we're going to talk
about those relationships

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and how they can impact your money.

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So, in this episode, we have my friend

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and bestselling author, Dr. Henry Cloud,

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to talk about relationships and boundaries

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and how important they are,
especially during the holidays.

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And then later, I've got a
brand-new game to test out

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on one couple to see how
well they communicate

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to each other about money.

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But before we do that,

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let's dive in and talk about what is

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and what isn't communicating
well about money.

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And it just so happens that
my favorite show of all time

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is Friends.

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And well, this TV show has
a lot of great examples

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about money miscommunication.

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So, let's learn from our friends

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on how to avoid misunderstandings

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with people in our life about money.

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Family. Not good communication:

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Spending your daughter's
wedding fund on your beach house

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and not telling her until
months before the wedding!

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Do you remember when
Monica's parents did that?

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Yes!

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What would have been good communication

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is if Monica's parents,
if they couldn't come up

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with the money to fund the beach house,

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they should have given
her plenty of notice

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so that she wasn't in a
bind relying on that money.

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She needed time to save for
herself for her wedding.

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Friends. Not good communication:

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Do you remember when Chandler goes all out

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for Ross' birthday?

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Buying concert tickets, a gift, a cake . . .

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And then he springs it on
the rest of the friends

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and expects them to contribute $62 each.

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Well, what is good communication

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is that Chandler should
have sent out an email

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to all the friends on the
front end to see how much

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they were able to contribute,
while keeping in mind

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that Rachel, Phoebe and Joey
were probably in between jobs

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and strapped for cash like
they were the entire season.

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Spouses. Not good communication:

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Going behind your spouse's back

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and asking a friend for a loan,
like Monica and Chandler did,

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without telling each other!

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They both asked to borrow money from Joey

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and wanted him to keep the secrets!

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But what is good communication

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will be talking about your money issues

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openly with your spouse.
You guys, money fights

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is one of the leading causes
of divorce. So it is crucial

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for you to get on the
same page with money.

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I wish I could have told
Monica and Chandler that.

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But to avoid having
miscommunication like this,

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make sure you download my
six money conversations

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to have with your spouse.

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Just click the link in the show notes.

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Okay, I can talk about
Friends all day, but I won't.

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So now, I want to talk about
some relationships in my life,

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like my in-laws.

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(gentle piano music)

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Usually, when you hear in-laws,
it's just like baaaaah!

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You know I have people in
my life, that's how they feel.

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And I actually kind of feel the opposite.

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I love my in-laws!

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I think a big part of that is
that I was actually friends

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with Winston's sister before
Winston and I ever dated.

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So I hung out with his parents

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before I was ever
Winston's girlfriend,

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and then wife.

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So I got to know them
before that, which was awesome.

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And they're fabulous
people. And I will say,

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during this time of the year,
this is where a lot of people

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start to feel a lot of stress

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around being with extended
family and in-laws.

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But I can say that, when I look at my life,

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one of the things that I'm so grateful for,

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that my in-laws have
given us, it's really a gift—

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and my parents are really in the same boat,

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so I'm really thankful for this—

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is that when it comes to holiday seasons,

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there are no strings attached.

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Neither one of our parents
feel this urge to say,

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"Oh, you have to be here on Christmas day."

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Or, "No no no, we have to
do this at Thanksgiving."

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They work around schedules.

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They're not all hung up
on what day is what

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during the holidays.

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And I can tell you,
Winston and I, every year

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we tell them, "Thank you
so much for being relaxed."

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And so, when I look at the
holiday season for me, I'm thankful.

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I can say that, but I
know that's not the case

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for all of you, because a lot of people,

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they have a ton of
expectations put on them

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from other people. Maybe
it's their in-laws.

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Maybe it's extended family.

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And I'm no expert when
it comes to boundaries.

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That's why we have Henry
Cloud coming on next.

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But just remember,
during the holiday season,

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it's okay to respectfully
fight for what's best for you,

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your time, and your family
during the holiday season.

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Okay, it is not worth being
exhausted and stressed out.

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It is worth figuring out
what is best for you guys—

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you and your family—during the season.

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So, I cannot wait for you
to hear from my friend

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Dr. Henry Cloud when he
talks all about boundaries.

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He is brilliant.

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All right Henry, thanks for being here.

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- Hey, good to be here, Rachel.

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- Always fun to have you.

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You are just an expert

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when it comes to all things boundaries.

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And this is what we
need for this episode.

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- Let's do it.

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- I love it. Okay, so all of your years

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of being a psychologist, counselor, writer,

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all the things around relationships . . .

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- Yep.

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- When it comes to
boundaries specifically,

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what's the one relationship
in their life that you see

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is probably the most common

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that people have to set a boundary for?

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- The most difficult one,

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that you shouldn't think it
would be difficult as an adult,

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is with parents and in-laws.
I hear that a lot because . . .

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- Yes.

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- Because a lot of times,

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you're supposed to grow up as a kid

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and be under their
managerial role.

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And you're supposed to
grow up and then you go

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and you're in charge of your life.

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And sometimes some parents
don't get that memo.

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- Yeah, so do you see that,

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is it usually the parent's fault?

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Or is it usually the kid's fault that

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that boundary hasn't been set?

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Do you know what I'm saying?
Is it usually the parent

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overreaching, or is it the
kid that's wanting

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the parents to still help?

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- When it comes to fault, I always say,

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yeah, it's 100% your fault for
your side of the equation,

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and it's 100% your parents' fault

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for their side of the equation.

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And that's the whole
thing about boundaries:

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All we can do is
take control of our side

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of the relationship.

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It's like the old country western song,

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"How can I miss you if you never go away?"

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- That's right. That's right!

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- And there's a lot of
times too much fusion.

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- Too much there!
- Yeah.

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- Yeah, I know. The
parent-child relationship,

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especially when the
child becomes the adult,

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navigating all of that

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and when to step in and when not . . .

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It is difficult.

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But knowing
that there are—

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that boundaries are good
and that they are okay.

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But someone watching this says,

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"Ugh, but I don't want
to hurt someone's feelings.

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I don't want to
put up a boundary

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and that be mean."

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- I don't want you to either.

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It's not mean to have
control of your own life.

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Mean is when we step over a boundary

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and do something to someone else.

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But that doesn't mean that somebody

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is not going to interpret it as mean.

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And generally, if you have
somebody that doesn't have freedom

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as a high value, because freedom you know—

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love and freedom are equal—

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whenever freedom goes
down, love goes down.

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And what you've got to do is,

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you've got to reaffirm the love,

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and you go, "Look, I love you.

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I'm not trying to hurt you.

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And I understand

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that this is
sad and hurtful for you.

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It's something I need to do for me.

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I hope you can accept that."

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And when they push back,
remember this formula:

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Set the limit and then empathize.

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So, when they say, "Well, how
could you?" Say, "You know,

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I understand this is frustrating to you.

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I don't want it to be,

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but it's something I need to do for me."

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And then they come back, and
you go, "I know it's painful.

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I get it. Maybe there are
some other things I can give you.

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I can't give you this holiday,
or I can't give you this time,

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or whatever." But you can't judge

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the rightness or wrongness of your actions

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only by the reaction that
you get from other people.

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Because if you're living your life

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just to keep everybody happy:

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A. You'll never keep them happy, and

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B. You're going to be miserable.

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- So good. So when you look at

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the biblical approach to boundaries . . .

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You know,
Scriptures that says like,

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"No greater love than
to lay down your life

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for a friend."
- Yeah.

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- But those kinds of things—

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where does boundaries come into play

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when you look at Scripture?

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- You know, if you talk
about the Bible's part of this,

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one of the passages I really love is

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when it's talking about giving

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in 2 Corinthians 9. It says
give. Now think about this:

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It's not only money, but think
of your time and your energy

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and your talents.

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It says, "Give as you have
purposed in your heart."

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Okay, start there.

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What do I want to give
to this relationship?

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You know, why am I doing this?

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What's the purpose of giving here?

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Give as you've purposed in your heart.

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And then it says this:

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"Not begrudgingly nor under compulsion,

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for God loves a cheerful giver."

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Now you take those two words.
Begrudgingly:

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that means you're putting pressure on me,

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and I say no, I can't do that. And
so you finally kind of like

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push me into it, and I do
it, but I'm holding a grudge.

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It doesn't feel good. And
that's external pressure

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that causes us to lose our boundaries.

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The other part says "or under compulsion."

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So compulsion is the internal pressure.

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It's the voice that compels you that says,

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"You're selfish if you do this.

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You're bad if you do this.

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You ought to do this."

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And you don't have choice there either,

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because the inner voices have
control of your life, right?

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- The inner critics.
- Yeah.

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- They're loud.
- Yeah, and

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the other thing I would say
about the purposeful giving

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is this: that the happiest
people in life are givers.

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The happiest people in life
are those that don't live

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just for themselves, but serve others.

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- What do you see with people
when it comes to their money,

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their finances.
- Well I'm going to charge

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you for this answer.
- I know, that's fine.

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Bill me. You can bill me.

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What is the boundary
that needs to be set

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when it comes to people and their money?

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- Well, it's twofold.

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It's intrapersonal,

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right? So the initial
boundary has got to be

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getting control of yourself.

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And then, you've got to notice

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your triggers,

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because what happens
- Know what it is. That's good.

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- is you make this decision,

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and then we all have weaknesses.

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- Yup.
- Right?

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- Yup.
- And that's where you have

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to do some of the deeper
work of finding out,

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why do I feel that way?

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Why am I driven to make everybody happy?

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And that internal war . . .

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And there's the interpersonal side.

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- All right, so what is one boundary

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that people need to set
during the holidays?

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- Oh gosh, the holidays.

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You know what I would do?

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I'd sit down and I'd draw a pie.

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And I'd have three pieces in the pie.

0:11:24.150,0:11:27.177
One of them is kind of the clinical arena.

0:11:27.177,0:11:31.130
How do I want to feel at
the end of the holidays?

0:11:31.130,0:11:31.963
Okay?

0:11:31.963,0:11:35.157
The other one is the relationship piece.

0:11:35.157,0:11:37.750
Who do I want to make sure I see?

0:11:37.750,0:11:39.940
And who do I need to avoid?

0:11:39.940,0:11:42.017
And then the performance piece . . .

0:11:42.017,0:11:43.017
What are my goals to this?

0:11:43.017,0:11:45.447
How much, I mean, you know . . .
How much do I have to spend?

0:11:45.447,0:11:47.460
When am I going to get my
shopping done, and all of that?

0:11:47.460,0:11:50.670
And if you plan it,

0:11:50.670,0:11:53.297
then you can get it done.

0:11:54.360,0:11:58.550
But if we just have to
pick one, most holiday pain

0:11:58.550,0:12:00.280
comes from relationships.

0:12:00.280,0:12:01.880
And you know, there are certain people

0:12:01.880,0:12:05.900
and certain patterns. Set
some clear boundaries there.

0:12:05.900,0:12:08.610
And probably that's where
most of the pain comes from.

0:12:08.610,0:12:10.360
- Yeah, Henry.

0:12:10.360,0:12:12.170
- Rachel, keep doing what you're doing.

0:12:12.170,0:12:13.730
- Always. You keep what you're doing.

0:12:13.730,0:12:15.680
I'm sitting here thinking
like, the doctor, man—

0:12:15.680,0:12:16.690
Dr. Henry Cloud!

0:12:16.690,0:12:19.170
There's so much here.
There's so much here!

0:12:19.170,0:12:22.030
Awesome stuff. And obviously
your book, Boundaries.

0:12:22.030,0:12:23.560
You can pick it up anywhere books are sold.

0:12:23.560,0:12:24.570
- Yeah.

0:12:24.570,0:12:25.769
- And then what was the thing . . .

0:12:25.769,0:12:28.140
- Come find me on boundaries.me

0:12:28.140,0:12:28.973
- Perfect!
- Boundaries.me

0:12:28.973,0:12:31.370
- Okay, make sure to check
it out. Thanks again!

0:12:31.370,0:12:32.774
- Good to be here.

0:12:32.774,0:12:35.357
(lively music)

0:12:39.380,0:12:40.390
- Oh, Henry!

0:12:40.390,0:12:41.223
Gosh!

0:12:41.223,0:12:42.350
Is he just not amazing?

0:12:42.350,0:12:45.190
Literally, I could just listen
to him and his advice all day.

0:12:45.190,0:12:46.550
He's just brilliant!

0:12:46.550,0:12:48.650
All right, coming up next,
I want to show you a couple

0:12:48.650,0:12:51.450
who tackled their money
issues together really well.

0:12:51.450,0:12:53.470
And we're going to do something
a little bit different

0:12:53.470,0:12:56.050
to see how well their
communication really is.

0:12:56.050,0:12:58.840
So, I've asked them a few questions to see

0:12:58.840,0:13:01.140
if they are on the same
page with their money.

0:13:04.160,0:13:07.140
Family is one of the most
important parts of my life,

0:13:07.140,0:13:09.260
and making sure everyone is taken cared of

0:13:09.260,0:13:11.040
is a top priority.

0:13:11.040,0:13:13.210
That includes more than
just meal planning,

0:13:13.210,0:13:14.540
entertaining the kids,

0:13:14.540,0:13:17.070
and taking care of all
the day-to-day needs.

0:13:17.070,0:13:20.140
That's why I recommend
having life insurance.

0:13:20.140,0:13:22.180
Now, when you're shopping
for it, you might wonder,

0:13:22.180,0:13:23.720
should I get term life insurance?

0:13:23.720,0:13:25.370
Or whole life insurance?

0:13:25.370,0:13:28.120
I always recommend term insurance.

0:13:28.120,0:13:29.890
It's going to save you tons of money

0:13:29.890,0:13:32.290
that you can put toward
paying off your debt

0:13:32.290,0:13:34.270
and funding your emergency fund.

0:13:34.270,0:13:38.820
For a 30-year-old male,
a 20-year, $250,000 policy

0:13:38.820,0:13:42.210
would cost just $15 a month for term life.

0:13:42.210,0:13:45.010
However, the same policy for whole life

0:13:45.010,0:13:47.820
would be $190 per month.

0:13:47.820,0:13:49.760
That is a huge difference!

0:13:49.760,0:13:52.210
Winston and I use Zander Insurance.

0:13:52.210,0:13:55.460
They do all the work for you
by finding you the best prices

0:13:55.460,0:13:58.320
and options customized to your needs.

0:13:58.320,0:14:02.090
To learn more, call Zander
today or go to Zander.com

0:14:02.090,0:14:05.183
because that's who we trust
to take care of our family.

0:14:10.550,0:14:13.380
- I felt stressed—

0:14:13.380,0:14:15.340
just a mess all the time

0:14:15.340,0:14:18.110
- Just a lot of anxiety
around the debt that we had

0:14:18.110,0:14:19.120
and how to pay it off

0:14:19.120,0:14:21.550
- We certainly weren't on the same page.

0:14:21.550,0:14:23.653
We were $23,000 in debt.

0:14:24.560,0:14:29.426
When we got married, a
couple gave us the book,

0:14:29.426,0:14:30.900
- The Total Money Makeover.

0:14:30.900,0:14:32.870
- and it kind of just got set on a shelf.

0:14:32.870,0:14:35.483
I had a credit card and started using it.

0:14:36.490,0:14:40.320
Little did we know that debt
is easy to come by.

0:14:40.320,0:14:41.310
- It creeps up on you.

0:14:41.310,0:14:44.610
- And then about two years ago,

0:14:44.610,0:14:47.240
we look back and found the book,

0:14:47.240,0:14:49.020
and Joanna read it.

0:14:49.020,0:14:52.200
- I started reading it. I met
with a lady from our church

0:14:52.200,0:14:53.750
and she was like, "You can do this!"

0:14:53.750,0:14:54.930
And I went home and I was all excited.

0:14:54.930,0:14:56.240
And I was like "Tim!

0:14:56.240,0:14:57.200
Guess what?

0:14:57.200,0:14:58.890
We can get out of debt.
We can do this!

0:14:58.890,0:15:01.405
And I want to read The Total
Money Makeover book with you.

0:15:01.405,0:15:02.510
And we should do this!"

0:15:02.510,0:15:06.520
And that was a rough night,
because he admitted to me

0:15:06.520,0:15:08.880
that he had been spending
money left and right

0:15:08.880,0:15:11.770
on just lunch and breakfast
every day for work.

0:15:11.770,0:15:14.600
- Wherever it was easy
to swipe the credit card,

0:15:14.600,0:15:18.420
lo and behold, I worked up a
good $3,000 credit card bill,

0:15:18.420,0:15:21.120
and she didn't really know about it.

0:15:21.120,0:15:24.890
After just months of feeling bad

0:15:24.890,0:15:27.870
about it, we finally came together and—

0:15:27.870,0:15:31.200
- And we started
Financial Peace University.

0:15:31.200,0:15:32.430
It's amazing

0:15:32.430,0:15:36.590
what a difference my husband
is, and our relationship is,

0:15:36.590,0:15:39.060
and how we view our finances together

0:15:39.060,0:15:40.590
instead of completely separate.

0:15:40.590,0:15:44.074
- Before we started on
our debt-free journey,

0:15:44.074,0:15:46.130
I had doubts and fears

0:15:46.130,0:15:49.870
of me hiding the debt
that I had accumulated.

0:15:49.870,0:15:52.310
I wanted to figure out how
I could deal with it myself.

0:15:52.310,0:15:54.490
It kind of pulled us apart,

0:15:54.490,0:15:57.630
but it's brought us back
together in repairing that.

0:15:58.780,0:16:02.410
- It's amazing how it's
impacted our relationship,

0:16:02.410,0:16:03.940
because it's really brought us together

0:16:03.940,0:16:05.490
and shown me that he's in it,

0:16:05.490,0:16:07.620
and he's in it not just for
himself but also for me.

0:16:07.620,0:16:08.610
For us. You know?

0:16:08.610,0:16:10.810
To have a better marriage
and a better life.

0:16:14.990,0:16:16.700
- Well, thank you guys
so much for coming on.

0:16:16.700,0:16:19.270
This is the fun episode because
it's all about relationships,

0:16:19.270,0:16:21.190
and one of the most important
relationships in life

0:16:21.190,0:16:22.400
is your marriage.

0:16:22.400,0:16:23.981
So, how long have you guys been married?

0:16:23.981,0:16:25.070
- We've been married just over three years.

0:16:25.070,0:16:26.350
- Over three years, okay. So fun!

0:16:26.350,0:16:28.070
Okay, so I want to play a little game

0:16:28.070,0:16:31.080
to see how well you know
each other and your money

0:16:31.080,0:16:33.910
as a couple. So, the
fun thing with this is,

0:16:33.910,0:16:36.540
I've asked each of you separate questions.

0:16:36.540,0:16:38.240
You don't know what each
other's questions are.

0:16:38.240,0:16:39.410
You don't know what your answers are.

0:16:39.410,0:16:42.220
So, I'm going to see how well
you know each other, guys.

0:16:42.220,0:16:43.053
All right!

0:16:43.053,0:16:45.650
All right, Joanna, the
first question is for you.

0:16:45.650,0:16:48.810
Who is better at managing the finances?

0:16:48.810,0:16:49.643
- Me.

0:16:49.643,0:16:51.393
- You. Okay. Tim, what did you say?

0:16:52.821,0:16:53.654
Oh, Joanna!

0:16:53.654,0:16:57.290
Good! That's good. So
you are more of the nerd.

0:16:57.290,0:16:58.230
- Definitely.

0:16:58.230,0:16:59.800
- Yes. So does it come natural to you?

0:16:59.800,0:17:00.840
Like, do you love it?

0:17:00.840,0:17:02.910
- I do. Yeah, I enjoy making the budget

0:17:02.910,0:17:04.950
and doing all these things—

0:17:04.950,0:17:07.180
tracking the expenses and income . . .

0:17:07.180,0:17:08.190
- In EveryDollar!

0:17:08.190,0:17:09.574
- Yes!
- Isn't it kind of satisfying?

0:17:09.574,0:17:10.830
- I love it.
- It's so great!

0:17:10.830,0:17:12.300
- I love it.
- I know. I love doing it every day.

0:17:12.300,0:17:13.276
It's kind of like one of those joys.
- Yes.

0:17:13.276,0:17:14.109
Yes!

0:17:14.109,0:17:15.560
- I'm like, "Oh, I get a
little bubble that I can . . ."

0:17:15.560,0:17:17.180
I'm not even the nerd.
I'm the free spirit.

0:17:17.180,0:17:18.840
Tim, I'm along with you.

0:17:18.840,0:17:21.260
Okay, Tim. Your question is,

0:17:21.260,0:17:25.340
what is the last purchase
that was made over $100?

0:17:28.720,0:17:29.890
- Can I give him hints?

0:17:29.890,0:17:31.170
- Yeah, give him a hint. Help him out.

0:17:31.170,0:17:32.360
Y'all are partners in life.

0:17:32.360,0:17:37.210
- It happened just around
the time we bought the house.

0:17:38.650,0:17:39.500
- The weed eater?

0:17:41.364,0:17:42.800
- Ohhhhh. The weed eater. Yes!

0:17:42.800,0:17:45.110
- Did I give it away?
- There you go!

0:17:45.110,0:17:47.900
Hey, points for all of
us. We're all winners here.

0:17:47.900,0:17:48.733
So good!

0:17:48.733,0:17:50.070
Good. Good!

0:17:50.070,0:17:50.980
Was that a hard one to make?

0:17:50.980,0:17:52.686
Considering it was like a . . .
- It has been while.

0:17:52.686,0:17:54.360
- a big purchase.
- It's been a while, yeah.

0:17:54.360,0:17:55.768
- Yes, yeah!
- Yes.

0:17:55.768,0:17:56.620
- So great!

0:17:56.620,0:17:59.050
Awesome. Okay, Joanna. Your question is,

0:17:59.050,0:18:03.018
how much do you guys have
budgeted for food each month?

0:18:03.018,0:18:04.022
- $400
- Tim?

0:18:04.022,0:18:07.740
Oh, you know each other
so well, and your budget.

0:18:07.740,0:18:08.640
I love it!

0:18:08.640,0:18:13.640
All right, Tim. How much debt
do you guys have right now,

0:18:13.950,0:18:16.480
not including the house?

0:18:16.480,0:18:18.270
- Just over $20,000.

0:18:18.270,0:18:21.007
- Just over $20,000. Okay. Joanna?

0:18:21.007,0:18:23.304
$20,300. You all are so good!

0:18:23.304,0:18:24.740
(all chuckling)

0:18:24.740,0:18:25.573
That's amazing!

0:18:25.573,0:18:27.210
- Can you tell we talk
about our money a lot?

0:18:27.210,0:18:28.043
- I love it!

0:18:28.043,0:18:30.340
Hey, that's proving—that's
proving the game. I love it!

0:18:30.340,0:18:35.340
Okay, Joanna. Who is most
likely to spend the food budget?

0:18:36.180,0:18:39.190
- That would be me, because
I do the grocery shopping.

0:18:41.840,0:18:44.740
- So, I chose myself.
(Joanna and Rachel laughing)

0:18:44.740,0:18:45.573
- Oh no, why?

0:18:45.573,0:18:46.680
- Because food is my Achilles' heel.

0:18:46.680,0:18:48.506
- Ohhh.
- I like food.

0:18:48.506,0:18:49.897
- We all love food.
- That's okay.

0:18:49.897,0:18:50.730
- Yeah, that's good.
- We do.

0:18:50.730,0:18:51.570
- Well, you're winning
in life right now.

0:18:51.570,0:18:54.490
- If I left Tim to manage it,
it would be gone.

0:18:54.490,0:18:56.250
(laughing)

0:18:56.250,0:18:57.200
He would eat it all.

0:18:58.050,0:19:00.930
- Okay, Tim. Last question is,

0:19:00.930,0:19:04.160
when will you guys be
completely out of debt?

0:19:05.340,0:19:06.872
- This is a hard question.

0:19:06.872,0:19:09.585
- If we sell our car

0:19:09.585,0:19:12.930
it would only take
about 18 months.

0:19:12.930,0:19:16.350
- Okay, how did you answer it?

0:19:16.350,0:19:17.183
- I'm hopeful.

0:19:17.183,0:19:20.170
- Ohhhh, yes you are, girl!

0:19:20.170,0:19:21.820
Well hey, that's closer

0:19:21.820,0:19:23.050
to the 18 month route.
- Yeah.

0:19:23.050,0:19:24.320
- Are you planning on
selling the car?

0:19:24.320,0:19:25.153
- Yes.
- True.

0:19:26.490,0:19:27.323
- Because you guys

0:19:27.323,0:19:29.470
are in Financial Peace
University right now,

0:19:29.470,0:19:32.040
and I just want to know,
before you guys started

0:19:32.040,0:19:34.260
this process of working
together to be on the same page

0:19:34.260,0:19:37.720
with money, what was marriage like before?

0:19:37.720,0:19:40.010
And where is it today?

0:19:40.010,0:19:41.723
With the difference of working together.

0:19:43.140,0:19:44.350
- It was stressful.

0:19:44.350,0:19:45.190
- Yeah.

0:19:45.190,0:19:47.910
- I was always worried about,
how can I make more money

0:19:47.910,0:19:51.281
to kind of get us to the next month . . .

0:19:51.281,0:19:52.211
- Yes.
- Yeah.

0:19:52.211,0:19:54.120
- How do we make it that
next little step further?

0:19:54.120,0:19:54.953
- Yeah.
- Because bills

0:19:54.953,0:19:57.080
are just always piled up and crazy,

0:19:57.080,0:19:59.820
and never really could figure it out.

0:19:59.820,0:20:00.653
- Yes.

0:20:00.653,0:20:03.180
And now, I mean, now that
we're on the same page

0:20:03.180,0:20:05.030
and we're talking . . . We talk
about our money all the time.

0:20:05.030,0:20:07.380
We actually, you know, we
do our budget together.

0:20:07.380,0:20:09.270
Which, it was like pulling teeth before,

0:20:09.270,0:20:10.850
to get him to sit down
and talk about money,

0:20:10.850,0:20:12.745
and the budget, and our income.

0:20:12.745,0:20:13.578
- Yes.

0:20:13.578,0:20:17.060
- And now, it's
gone totally different.

0:20:17.060,0:20:17.893
- So good!
- Yeah.

0:20:17.893,0:20:19.240
- Yeah, so what's changed for you then,

0:20:19.240,0:20:20.770
considering it was like pulling teeth.

0:20:20.770,0:20:22.740
I'm just curious, from
your perspective,

0:20:22.740,0:20:23.887
what's change in you that you're like,

0:20:23.887,0:20:25.560
"Okay, no. I'm willing
to talk about the income and

0:20:25.560,0:20:26.730
talk about the money."

0:20:26.730,0:20:29.190
- Being sick and tired
of being sick and tired.

0:20:29.190,0:20:30.630
- Yeah, yeah.

0:20:30.630,0:20:34.040
- Just absolutely done with
making financial mistakes.

0:20:34.040,0:20:35.460
- Yeah.
- Yes, which is so hard.

0:20:35.460,0:20:37.780
Okay, which leads us to our
final question of the fun

0:20:37.780,0:20:42.600
quiz/game show, whatever
you want to call this thing.

0:20:42.600,0:20:44.820
Okay, and you both wrote
down answers for this,

0:20:44.820,0:20:47.140
because I asked you both this beforehand.

0:20:47.140,0:20:48.670
What is the dumbest thing

0:20:48.670,0:20:51.190
you guys have bought together?

0:20:51.190,0:20:52.220
Which I think I'm going to know.

0:20:52.220,0:20:53.362
Haha!

0:20:53.362,0:20:54.195
The car!

0:20:54.195,0:20:57.047
I've got a feeling I know
the answer to this question.

0:20:58.150,0:20:59.590
Oh that's so great, you guys!

0:20:59.590,0:21:01.730
But I love that, because what it proves

0:21:01.730,0:21:02.860
is how much you guys are working together

0:21:02.860,0:21:04.900
while you're still different, right?

0:21:04.900,0:21:06.940
I mean, like the free spirit, the nerd—

0:21:06.940,0:21:08.650
one of you can still love the budget and one not.

0:21:08.650,0:21:10.990
But working together,
how much that's changed,

0:21:10.990,0:21:12.400
not only your money situation,

0:21:12.400,0:21:13.870
but I'm assuming your marriage.

0:21:13.870,0:21:14.703
- Yes.

0:21:14.703,0:21:15.820
- So, what parts of your marriage,

0:21:15.820,0:21:17.840
even though you guys haven't
been married too too long.

0:21:17.840,0:21:20.740
But getting these healthy
habits in place early on

0:21:20.740,0:21:22.160
is a huge blessing.
- Yeah.

0:21:22.160,0:21:23.700
- So, I'm curious. What

0:21:23.700,0:21:26.990
was marriage like
beforehand, and then now?

0:21:26.990,0:21:29.650
- Okay. Well, before,

0:21:29.650,0:21:33.820
we didn't have . . . We had
ideas of what we wanted to do,

0:21:33.820,0:21:36.990
and sort of kind of goals,
but now we have written goals

0:21:36.990,0:21:40.400
and written plans, and we
know where we want to be five,

0:21:40.400,0:21:41.540
ten years from now.
- That's cool. Yeah.

0:21:41.540,0:21:44.530
- So, it's . . . Yeah, it's totally different.

0:21:44.530,0:21:46.580
We're on the same page and it's amazing!

0:21:46.580,0:21:47.550
- Oh, absolutely!

0:21:47.550,0:21:49.712
I mean it
changes everything, right?

0:21:49.712,0:21:50.545
- Yeah.
- When you're

0:21:50.545,0:21:51.600
on the same page, and
you know what's going on,

0:21:51.600,0:21:52.630
- Yeah.
- and the progress

0:21:52.630,0:21:54.920
you can make. So I think
that that's so great!

0:21:54.920,0:21:57.410
So, a couple sitting here watching this

0:21:57.410,0:21:59.537
or listening to this and they're thinking,

0:21:59.537,0:22:01.210
"Okay, I'm not—I don't talk to my husband

0:22:01.210,0:22:02.530
about money, or I don't talk to my wife

0:22:02.530,0:22:03.363
about money."

0:22:03.363,0:22:05.930
What encouragement would
you give them to do it?

0:22:05.930,0:22:07.390
To have this hard conversation

0:22:07.390,0:22:10.440
and to get this part of this
relationship in their life

0:22:10.440,0:22:12.840
in order, where they're on the same page.

0:22:12.840,0:22:15.840
- I would say not letting
the fear of having debt

0:22:15.840,0:22:19.330
hold you back from being
honest with yourself

0:22:19.330,0:22:23.100
or your spouse. Just laying
it out all on the table

0:22:23.100,0:22:25.490
and taking care of it together.

0:22:25.490,0:22:27.170
- So good. So, all the hard conversations,

0:22:27.170,0:22:30.142
all the work to pay down debt—
has it been worth it so far?

0:22:30.142,0:22:31.150
- Yes.
- Yes.

0:22:31.150,0:22:32.080
- Yes.

0:22:32.080,0:22:33.058
- So great!

0:22:33.058,0:22:33.891
That's awesome!

0:22:33.891,0:22:35.640
Well, you guys are incredible. Seriously.

0:22:35.640,0:22:37.300
I think it's so fun to
have different couples

0:22:37.300,0:22:39.270
and different stages of their marriages.

0:22:39.270,0:22:40.680
And getting you guys . . .

0:22:40.680,0:22:42.580
The fact that you're
doing this so early on,

0:22:42.580,0:22:44.130
and you're truthful to each other.

0:22:44.130,0:22:45.120
You're working together.

0:22:45.120,0:22:47.630
I'm like, that's just
like decades and decades

0:22:47.630,0:22:49.960
of bad habits you're not
going to have to break later on.

0:22:49.960,0:22:51.300
I mean, seriously. It's huge!
- Yes.

0:22:51.300,0:22:54.010
- That's so, so incredible.

0:22:54.010,0:22:55.960
And we actually have a
money and marriage event.

0:22:55.960,0:22:58.790
It's an event all around this
idea of money and marriage.

0:22:58.790,0:22:59.743
It's on Valentine's day,

0:22:59.743,0:23:01.176
so I'm actually giving you guys tickets.

0:23:01.176,0:23:02.890
- Oh, oh my gosh!
- Come to Nashville.

0:23:02.890,0:23:05.110
Come to the event. Hang out.
- Thank you!

0:23:05.110,0:23:07.220
- And if you guys want
to come to the event,

0:23:07.220,0:23:09.800
make sure to click the link
in the description below.

0:23:09.800,0:23:11.100
Get your tickets!

0:23:11.100,0:23:14.530
You can hang out with Joanna
and Tim while you're there too.

0:23:14.530,0:23:15.830
(all laughing)

0:23:15.830,0:23:17.370
But thank you guys so much for coming on.

0:23:17.370,0:23:18.453
Thanks for playing my fun game!

0:23:18.453,0:23:20.119
- Yeah!
- Thank you!

0:23:20.119,0:23:23.286
(lively upbeat music)

0:23:27.540,0:23:29.570
- All right, I hope you
enjoyed this episode

0:23:29.570,0:23:31.120
and got some really practical tips

0:23:31.120,0:23:33.170
with dealing with the
relationships in your life.

0:23:33.170,0:23:35.500
Henry, just a wealth of knowledge,

0:23:35.500,0:23:37.390
and Tim and Joanna, weren't they so great?

0:23:37.390,0:23:39.810
They're definitely good
sports about that game.

0:23:39.810,0:23:42.500
And thank you guys so much for watching.

0:23:42.500,0:23:44.470
And you can get anything
that we talked about

0:23:44.470,0:23:47.550
in this episode if you click
the link in the description.

0:23:47.550,0:23:50.370
And I've added something
new. Something really fun!

0:23:50.370,0:23:53.350
I want to hear from you guys and
actually answer the questions

0:23:53.350,0:23:56.510
that you have specifically.
So, I set up a new voice mail.

0:23:56.510,0:23:58.830
You can just call, leave your message,

0:23:58.830,0:24:01.920
and I may answer your question
on the show or the podcast.

0:24:01.920,0:24:06.920
So call the number,
844.944.1075, to ask your question.

0:24:08.130,0:24:10.420
And if you've not subscribed
to my YouTube channel

0:24:10.420,0:24:12.210
or my podcast, make sure you do that

0:24:12.210,0:24:14.470
so you don't miss anything new coming out

0:24:14.470,0:24:16.450
from The Rachel Cruze Show.

0:24:16.450,0:24:19.500
And as always, make sure to
take control of your money

0:24:19.500,0:24:23.713
and create a life you love
with the people you love.