Stop Fighting About Money and Start Doing This...


Transcript

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- Are you sick and tired of fighting

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with your spouse about money?

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Well, in this episode, we're
gonna change the conversation.

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(upbeat music)

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Hey, guys. Welcome to
The Rachel Cruze Show.

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In today's episode, we're gonna
talk all about working together

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with your spouse to make progress
toward your money dreams.

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We'll talk about how to have healthy,

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productive money conversations
with your spouse,

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and financial coach
Ericka Young is my guest.

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She and her husband paid
off six figures in debt

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in just five years.

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And she's gonna help a
couple who wants to get

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on the same page when
it comes to their money.

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But a lot of couples fight
when it comes to money.

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Couples fighting about money?

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Does that sound familiar?

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Well, struggling with money, statistically,

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is going to be part of your
marriage at some point.

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The State of Finances in the
American Household Study

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by Ramsey Solutions
found that 86% of couples

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who got married in the last five years

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started out in debt.

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That's right.

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So, it's "normal" to enter
in marriage with debt.

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But you guys, remember,

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debt leads to stress.
It leads to fighting.

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And when you owe someone something,

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it changes so much in your life.

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And that's where a lot
of couples started out.

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Remember, "normal" is not what we want.

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We want weird. We want
debt-free people around here.

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But money is the number one issue

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that married couples fight about.

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But it doesn't have to be this way.

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According to another study,

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couples in healthy marriages
are more likely to actually

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talk about their money dreams
and make long-term goals.

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Now, it can be scary and really hard

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to talk about money
openly with your spouse,

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especially if you've never done it before.

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But love puts no limits on
the topics of conversation,

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and that includes money.

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(gently piano music)

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Okay, when you get married,

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you become one in every
aspect of your life. Okay?

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One in every aspect, including your money.

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Now, some people don't like this idea.

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In fact, I put up an
Instagram little box one time,

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and it said "combine your accounts"

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or something along those lines.

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It's something I say all the time.

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It's amazing to me that I'm like,

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"Take down the credit
card companies in America."

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And people are like, "Sure."

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And then I'm like,

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"Combine your accounts if you're married."

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And they're like, "What?

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You just, like, ran over my dog.

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Who you?

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You're the worst person in the world."

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I mean, the hate that came
out of nowhere.

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I was like, dear Lord, people.

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Calm down, number one.

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But number two,

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yes. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

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Sometimes, I'm like, you can do your thing.

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I'll do mine. But this is proven, you guys.

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People that work together with
their money—they combine it,

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they see it not as she or he,

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but we together—they win
faster when it comes to money.

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And the comment that
bothered me, probably the most,

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is the people that said,

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"Well, we fought so much about money,

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and then we separated it all,

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and now we have a great marriage."

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I'm sorry, you separated it to avoid

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a topic that's hard in marriage?

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Oh, avoidance, I'm not
a marriage counselor,

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but I do not think is probably
a good factor here, okay?

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So that means, yes, when
you combine your accounts,

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you might have conflict, you
guys. But conflict is key.

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Conflict is a good thing when
it's done in the right way.

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Conflict gets below the surface.

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It means that you get to have
your independent thought,

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which may be different than
your spouse's, and that's okay.

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Talk about it.

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Because the deal is, when
you work through stuff,

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you get to know your spouse
on a different level.

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You have a level of intimacy

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that's not there if you just say,

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oh, everything's fine.

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We're gonna just kind
of avoid hard subjects

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and just live life.

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Okay? So getting down in the muck

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and ugh, the not fun part of stuff,

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and you have conflict, yeah, it's hard.

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It's not easy. But the team
that's connected there,

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like, what happens after that conflict,

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and you come together and you say,

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you know what?

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We are a more tight-knit unit.

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It's amazing,

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It's amazing what happens in
your marriage when you do that.

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When you fight, you actually grow closer.

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And when I say fight,

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I'm saying it in a healthy way, okay?

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Not, like, the bad stuff.

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But, like, truly having
good, healthy conflict.

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Les Parrott says,

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"Conflict is the price we pay

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for a deeper level of intimacy."

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And I love that, okay?

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So, it's okay to go into this
disagreeing with your spouse.

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But this is gonna force you
guys to talk about stuff,

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to talk about money.

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And the great thing about money is,

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money is just like, it's the
thing you're talking about.

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But what it expounds upon is
really your goals in life,

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your fears, your dreams. So
much more is there, okay?

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So, get vulnerable with your spouse.

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Talk about the hard stuff.

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Because I promise, you will have a deeper,

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more intimate marriage when you do.

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Now, one of those valuable conversations

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to have with your spouse
sooner than later,

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is having life insurance.

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Actually, this was one of
the easier conversations

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that Winston and I ever had,

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because keeping our family secure

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was really important to both of us.

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And term life insurance,
it's really affordable,

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and it just makes sense.

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Regardless of where you're
at in the Baby Steps,

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you've got to make this a priority.

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Make sure that you have a policy

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that includes 10 to 12 times

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your annual income and coverage.

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So this will give you and your
family so much peace of mind.

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Winston and I use Zander Insurance

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because they made this
process super simple,

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and you can tell that they really
care about you and your family.

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Zander does all the work,

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shopping all the top companies
to find the best rates

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and coverage based on your family's needs.

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If you're like me, your
family is a top priority.

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So make sure you take this
step to keep them protected.

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Go to zander.com or click
the link in the show notes

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to get started on a quote today.

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Next up is financial coach Ericka Young,

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and she joins me to help us
have better conversations

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about money with our spouses.

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But first, let's take a look at her story.

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- We were over $90,000 in debt.

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And we thought it was normal.

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My husband and I, we were,

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you know, newlyweds.

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And we were trying to figure out

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what our first step ought to be.

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And he found Dave Ramsey on the radio,

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and he came home one day and said,

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"You need to give me that
credit card you got."

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When someone comes to you

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and they take away your credit card,

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and you think that that's
your source of freedom.

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And actually, at that time,

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I was the breadwinner in the family.

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And so, for him to come to me and say,

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"We've got to stop this behavior."

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It was hard. I mean, it
was humbling, actually.

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I had to, like I said,

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suck up my pride and just say,

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"Okay, what does this look like?"

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The very first win that
we had on this journey

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when we took Financial Peace University

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is actually having a budget that worked.

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It felt so good. Because between us,

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we had seven credit cards, and
to pay off that first one

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that was $600 was huge.

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And when we started to see our debts

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go down, and we started to have
a budget that really worked,

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we started to feel in control.

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That control was something that
put us in the driver's seat

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of being able to make good
decisions about our money,

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for us to have a way in a forum
for us to talk about money,

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and to dream about what it
is we wanted in the future.

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And during that time,

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I wanted to make certain that
I could help other people.

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Like, I started asking
people like my pastor,

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my best friend, other people,

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"Is this viable?

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Can I help people with budgets?

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Is this a real thing?"

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And then, when I started meeting with them,

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and starting to see the
lightbulbs go on for them,

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that was exciting.

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And I really lit up inside.

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Like, it was not work, per se.

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I would go to work all day and be drained.

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And then I would do financial
coaching on the side

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or help somebody with their
budget, and I'd be energized.

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One day, I was actually,
I sat straight up in my bed.

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I really feel strongly that God said,

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"It's time."

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I left that work

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and was able to full time

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move into doing financial
coaching once we were out of debt.

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A Ramsey Preferred Coach
can help you get faster

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to your debt-free goal than
you would have on your own.

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They can see into your situation,

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potential options that
you may not be able to see

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because you're emotionally
attached to your outcomes.

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At some times, clients,

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when they come to the consultation

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or come to a coaching session,

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they're drained. They're
tired. They're hopeless.

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And I get to inject hope
into their situations.

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To see a single mom pay off her car,

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or to see a couple be able to pay off,

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you know, $200,000 in debt.

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But it's also the people
who are in between

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who pay off, say, $10,000 in debt.

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And they're finally able to say,

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okay. I can exhale,

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I can sleep better at night,

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and I know that we're gonna be okay.

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I love being able to see people,

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you know, who know what their
finish line looks like

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in terms of getting out of it.

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Like, they have a date.

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I call it a debt-free date.

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And they're able to just run toward that

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because they actually have a game plan.

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That's just fun.

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- Ericka, I'm so glad you're here.

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Thanks for being here.

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- So good to be here.
Thanks for having me.

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- And I love your story

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and love that you're a financial coach,

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but we'll get to that in a little bit.

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But first, I wanna know,

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what was money like for you growing up?

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- Tough, honestly. I mean,

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I came from a single parent household,

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and it was paycheck-to-paycheck living.

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It was feast and famine all the time.

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And it's like, Friday comes,

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and now we can spend,
and then Monday's back,

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and ease off a little bit.

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And so that's what we learned,

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and I wanted something different.

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And it's just hard to know
how to get out of that.

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- Absolutely. So, you're married now.

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- Yes.

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- How long have you been married?

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- 21 years.

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- 21 years!

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You could give me
(laughing loudly)

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so much marriage advice.

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For this only 10 . . . 10, been
married for 10 years.

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You're double.
(laughing loudly)

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You're double the knowledge of me.

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Okay, so for you and your husband,

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what is money like for you guys?

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- It's a daily thing.

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I mean, you have to have
conversations all the time.

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Things change. And we've got two kids,

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and so, as they've grown up,

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we've grown up in money things.

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And all of our conversations
adjust as they've had,

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you know, different things
that they go through,

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and college students,

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all of that kind of stuff.

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So, we try and work through
all of it together.

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I think it's just important to be a team.

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- Absolutely. And we're
talking about conflict

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in this episode and
fighting with your spouse

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and how that happens.

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So, I'd love to know,

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have you and Chris ever
fought about money?

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I'm assuming the answer is

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yes.
- Yes.

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- Just like everyone else.

0:09:57.650,0:09:58.483
- Yes.

0:09:58.483,0:10:00.010
- So what's one of the
biggest money fights

0:10:00.010,0:10:00.940
that you guys have gotten into?

0:10:00.940,0:10:03.620
- Well, one of our first ones really was,

0:10:03.620,0:10:05.220
he took the credit cards away from me.

0:10:05.220,0:10:06.310
So he's the one
(laughing loudly)

0:10:06.310,0:10:07.143
who had to say,

0:10:07.143,0:10:08.077
Ericka, stop this.

0:10:08.077,0:10:10.227
You know, you're not being
truthful with yourself

0:10:10.227,0:10:11.210
in this whole money thing.

0:10:11.210,0:10:13.280
And I had to put my pride aside

0:10:13.280,0:10:15.280
and figure this thing out.

0:10:15.280,0:10:17.070
- So, y'all started at the
beginning, and you're like, hmm,

0:10:17.070,0:10:18.990
I don't know about this Dave Ramsey guy.

0:10:18.990,0:10:19.840
(loud laughs)

0:10:19.840,0:10:20.673
- I was.

0:10:20.673,0:10:21.880
- Yeah, yeah. That's right.
You said that.

0:10:21.880,0:10:23.580
You said that. Oh, that's so great.

0:10:23.580,0:10:25.860
Okay, so you are a Ramsey Preferred Coach.

0:10:25.860,0:10:27.160
And for you guys at home,

0:10:27.160,0:10:28.110
in case you don't know,

0:10:28.110,0:10:30.320
a Ramsey Preferred Coach
is a financial coach

0:10:30.320,0:10:31.240
that we've trained,

0:10:31.240,0:10:33.720
who helps you develop a financial plan

0:10:33.720,0:10:35.050
for your specific needs and goals.

0:10:35.050,0:10:35.883
So you can kind of think of them

0:10:35.883,0:10:38.140
as like your money mentor if you will.

0:10:38.140,0:10:39.690
So, I wanna know what made you

0:10:39.690,0:10:41.550
decide to become a financial coach?

0:10:41.550,0:10:42.910
- Well, it took my husband and I

0:10:42.910,0:10:45.460
about five years to get
out of $90,000 in debt.

0:10:45.460,0:10:47.600
And I started to see how excited

0:10:47.600,0:10:49.780
I was. And I really wanted
to help other people

0:10:49.780,0:10:51.580
do the same thing—in less time though.

0:10:51.580,0:10:52.890
Because I didn't have a coach.

0:10:52.890,0:10:53.740
I didn't, you know . . .

0:10:53.740,0:10:55.715
I did FPU, and I really wanted to,

0:10:55.715,0:10:57.030
you know, make a change,

0:10:57.030,0:10:59.150
but I wanted to help other
people do it faster.

0:10:59.150,0:11:00.210
- Yes, that's so great.

0:11:00.210,0:11:02.180
And you guy, you sit down
with people all the time.

0:11:02.180,0:11:04.920
Do you find that tough
conversations are really valuable

0:11:04.920,0:11:06.060
when couples have them,

0:11:06.060,0:11:08.820
whether in a session with
you or just even at home?

0:11:08.820,0:11:10.270
- Absolutely. And I think that

0:11:10.270,0:11:12.620
I encourage to them to actually sit down

0:11:12.620,0:11:14.230
and have this specific conversation

0:11:14.230,0:11:16.640
with how to do that reasonably

0:11:16.640,0:11:17.770
so everybody gets heard

0:11:17.770,0:11:19.210
and you kinda get to some resolution.

0:11:19.210,0:11:21.010
But it's important to face it.

0:11:21.010,0:11:22.540
Otherwise, you're not gonna make progress.

0:11:22.540,0:11:24.380
- Yeah, absolutely. So what
does that even look like?

0:11:24.380,0:11:26.746
Like, if couples are fighting about money,

0:11:26.746,0:11:29.890
what's like that first step
to start that conversation?

0:11:29.890,0:11:30.900
- What's the real why?

0:11:30.900,0:11:32.270
Where are you trying to go?

0:11:32.270,0:11:33.500
You know, why do you want to get there?

0:11:33.500,0:11:35.100
What's really important to the both of you?

0:11:35.100,0:11:37.270
And how can you support
one another in that effort?

0:11:37.270,0:11:39.160
And it may not look the
same for each of you.

0:11:39.160,0:11:41.560
And the important thing is
that you hear one another

0:11:41.560,0:11:43.050
and then you try to take action

0:11:43.050,0:11:44.610
that's gonna be beneficial
for the household.

0:11:44.610,0:11:47.510
So, I just hope they are team couples.

0:11:47.510,0:11:49.550
That's the important
thing, is being a team.

0:11:49.550,0:11:51.610
- Working together. Oh, it is. It's so key.

0:11:51.610,0:11:52.960
So, when you're having these conversations

0:11:52.960,0:11:54.820
about money, couples are,

0:11:54.820,0:11:56.260
there's a lot of emotion involved.

0:11:56.260,0:11:57.010
- Yes.

0:11:57.010,0:11:59.130
- So, where do you see emotion

0:11:59.130,0:12:00.690
playing into these conversations?

0:12:00.690,0:12:02.830
- Well, it comes up, and
we have to identify it.

0:12:02.830,0:12:05.730
If people pretend that money
is just about the numbers,

0:12:05.730,0:12:07.910
they're missing a whole big piece of this.

0:12:07.910,0:12:10.610
And so, I let them know, this
is going to be emotional.

0:12:10.610,0:12:12.150
So, if I just prep them and say,

0:12:12.150,0:12:13.880
I know that this is gonna be challenging.

0:12:13.880,0:12:15.190
We're gonna face it head on.

0:12:15.190,0:12:16.740
You don't have to do it alone.

0:12:16.740,0:12:18.920
And here are some tools to make sure

0:12:18.920,0:12:20.970
that you get through that with, you know,

0:12:20.970,0:12:23.640
some success on the end and
some real practical steps

0:12:23.640,0:12:26.150
with your budget and your
debt reduction strategy.

0:12:26.150,0:12:27.438
- So, with couples that you sit down with,

0:12:27.438,0:12:29.385
would you say majority of them

0:12:29.385,0:12:31.670
figure out how to get
on the same page?

0:12:31.670,0:12:33.800
Because you're a trained financial coach.

0:12:33.800,0:12:34.940
You know how to do it well.

0:12:34.940,0:12:37.220
And so you really do see
success in these area of people.

0:12:37.220,0:12:38.530
- Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

0:12:38.530,0:12:40.660
The point is, if they
can get through this,

0:12:40.660,0:12:42.650
they can pretty much talk about anything.

0:12:42.650,0:12:44.290
Because money is really funny, right?

0:12:44.290,0:12:46.230
Like, they don't wanna
have these conversations,

0:12:46.230,0:12:47.507
but if I can guide them and say,

0:12:47.507,0:12:48.857
here's what I hear you saying,

0:12:48.857,0:12:49.747
and here's what I think

0:12:49.747,0:12:52.460
might be an important
way to navigate that,

0:12:52.460,0:12:53.300
it makes it easier.

0:12:53.300,0:12:55.970
Because that unbiased
third party is so vital

0:12:55.970,0:12:56.810
a lot of the time.

0:12:56.810,0:12:58.060
- Huge. Absolutely.

0:12:58.060,0:12:59.560
Okay, what would you say to a couple

0:12:59.560,0:13:03.240
who they keep having the same
fight over and over and over?

0:13:03.240,0:13:05.310
It's like, "She keeps spending over the budget."

0:13:05.310,0:13:08.520
Or "He's always, like, so strict
and everything. Oh my gosh."

0:13:08.520,0:13:10.900
Like, it's that same thing
over and over and over.

0:13:10.900,0:13:13.170
What would you say to couples
that have that same fight?

0:13:13.170,0:13:14.830
- Yeah, they're blaming each other.

0:13:14.830,0:13:17.360
And they've got to just look
at where can I be better?

0:13:17.360,0:13:18.580
What can I do better?

0:13:18.580,0:13:20.210
What's gonna help us move forward?

0:13:20.210,0:13:22.610
Versus pointing the
finger at someone else.

0:13:22.610,0:13:24.570
That's easier to do than looking inward.

0:13:24.570,0:13:26.670
And so, we've got to do
that in order to break down

0:13:26.670,0:13:27.540
some of those walls.

0:13:27.540,0:13:29.670
- Blaming each other.

0:13:29.670,0:13:30.760
You heard her right here people.

0:13:30.760,0:13:32.370
That's pretty good. That's pretty good.

0:13:32.370,0:13:34.490
Okay, you guys. I can't be everywhere,

0:13:34.490,0:13:37.550
which is why our Ramsey
Preferred Coaches exist.

0:13:37.550,0:13:38.510
I want you guys at home

0:13:38.510,0:13:40.700
to see what it's like
working with a coach,

0:13:40.700,0:13:41.533
what it really looks like.

0:13:41.533,0:13:42.480
But real quick,

0:13:42.480,0:13:44.080
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0:14:39.100,0:14:41.050
Okay, Ericka, so you
sit down with a couple,

0:14:41.050,0:14:44.270
walk them through some of this
hard money conversation stuff

0:14:44.270,0:14:45.420
and getting them on the same page.

0:14:45.420,0:14:47.460
So, let's take a look at that session.

0:14:47.460,0:14:50.770
- Well, good to meet
you LaKiesha and Marvin.

0:14:50.770,0:14:52.740
So glad we're here.

0:14:52.740,0:14:53.730
- Hello. How are you?
- Yes, and nice

0:14:53.730,0:14:55.520
to meet you as well.

0:14:55.520,0:14:58.730
- Yes. So, I'm here just to kinda see

0:14:58.730,0:15:00.670
what's going on in your finances.

0:15:00.670,0:15:03.660
So, I just wanna hear a little
bit about your backstory

0:15:03.660,0:15:06.010
and why it's important for you

0:15:06.010,0:15:08.500
to reach out and get some help
in your finances right now.

0:15:08.500,0:15:11.600
- I think for me, it's . . . We're newlyweds.

0:15:11.600,0:15:13.340
We've both been married before.

0:15:13.340,0:15:14.780
We wanted to ensure that,

0:15:14.780,0:15:17.650
you know, we are making the
best financial decision choices

0:15:17.650,0:15:18.860
for our family

0:15:18.860,0:15:20.340
so that we don't, you know,

0:15:20.340,0:15:23.400
stand in the gap of
potentially facing divorce

0:15:23.400,0:15:26.150
just because of financial strain.

0:15:26.150,0:15:28.180
We have a blended family of four,

0:15:28.180,0:15:30.670
and we have children that are
gonna be starting school soon.

0:15:30.670,0:15:33.310
- Got it. So, tell me
about, like, what's broken.

0:15:33.310,0:15:35.460
What's not working in
your finances right now

0:15:35.460,0:15:37.386
that you need some help on?

0:15:37.386,0:15:39.390
- I would say tackling student loan debt.

0:15:39.390,0:15:40.500
- And then just to add to that,

0:15:40.500,0:15:44.610
just managing the decisions
of how to handle finances.

0:15:44.610,0:15:45.710
Taking care of our debts,

0:15:45.710,0:15:47.110
but at the same time making sure

0:15:47.110,0:15:49.330
that we're able to have a life,

0:15:49.330,0:15:50.720
have a marriage, and then have time

0:15:50.720,0:15:52.110
with the children as well.

0:15:52.110,0:15:54.620
- Yes, so what I hear you saying is,

0:15:54.620,0:15:56.269
you wanna make sure that
it works for your family.

0:15:56.269,0:15:57.102
- Yes.

0:15:57.102,0:15:59.990
- You wanna make certain
that you have some balance,

0:15:59.990,0:16:03.330
some family time that you
can make some memories.

0:16:03.330,0:16:04.930
And you wanna get out of debt.

0:16:04.930,0:16:07.470
And I love that because

0:16:07.470,0:16:10.620
you need to be able to enjoy
the journey out of debt.

0:16:10.620,0:16:12.560
Like, that's important, you know.

0:16:12.560,0:16:13.960
It's important to know that

0:16:13.960,0:16:16.330
you can do it on a plan on a budget,

0:16:16.330,0:16:18.630
and it's not derailed
along the way, right?

0:16:18.630,0:16:21.220
So, that's important. That's important.

0:16:21.220,0:16:25.750
So, okay. Brass tacks.
Do you have a budget?

0:16:25.750,0:16:27.050
- Yes.
- Yes, we do,

0:16:27.050,0:16:28.009
actually. Believe it or not.

0:16:28.009,0:16:28.842
(chuckles)

0:16:28.842,0:16:30.804
We still have some things that
we're like, okay,

0:16:30.804,0:16:33.880
we feel like we can squeeze.
Maybe if we get some assistance,

0:16:33.880,0:16:36.020
we maybe feel like we can
actually make more headway

0:16:36.020,0:16:37.520
than we're already making.

0:16:37.520,0:16:41.020
- So, what's working in the
budget now that you decided

0:16:41.020,0:16:41.870
to get a part of it?

0:16:41.870,0:16:43.660
And I wanna make certain that

0:16:43.660,0:16:45.220
we get to what isn't working

0:16:45.220,0:16:47.540
so you can have some
solutions for success.

0:16:47.540,0:16:48.480
- I would say, you know,

0:16:48.480,0:16:49.450
what is working right now

0:16:49.450,0:16:51.170
is that we do have weekly meetings,

0:16:51.170,0:16:53.380
and we're able to, you know,

0:16:53.380,0:16:54.770
review it, talk about it.

0:16:54.770,0:16:57.120
I think right now we just
need to find a way to

0:16:57.120,0:17:00.720
kind of avalanche the
current debt that we have.

0:17:00.720,0:17:01.870
- So, we haven't really figured out

0:17:01.870,0:17:05.170
how to just make it one
snowball payment without making,

0:17:05.170,0:17:07.577
you know, weekly payments
and payments here and there.

0:17:07.577,0:17:10.170
And the reason why we
do a weekly is because

0:17:10.170,0:17:12.000
the checks are different
in different bills.

0:17:12.000,0:17:13.470
And so it kinda helps us, you know,

0:17:13.470,0:17:16.230
not feel like we have extra
money for that particular week

0:17:16.230,0:17:17.590
and know how to allot it.

0:17:17.590,0:17:21.264
My safety is having at
least one month reserved.

0:17:21.264,0:17:22.860
One month of our income.

0:17:22.860,0:17:24.913
Because if I, you know, lose my contract

0:17:24.913,0:17:28.203
trying to go and find work again,

0:17:29.580,0:17:30.830
it's fearful for me.

0:17:30.830,0:17:33.780
- So, let me give you one
suggestion right here.

0:17:33.780,0:17:35.780
I would do the entire month.

0:17:35.780,0:17:38.480
So, all 30 days: all the bills for 30 days,

0:17:38.480,0:17:39.708
all the spending for 30 days,

0:17:39.708,0:17:44.708
all the income for 30 days
prior to the month starting.

0:17:44.860,0:17:46.240
And then you know,

0:17:46.240,0:17:48.660
before you even break it
out by spending plan,

0:17:48.660,0:17:51.040
how much is supposed to
go toward debt reduction.

0:17:51.040,0:17:52.580
Because you wanna be intentional.

0:17:52.580,0:17:54.310
You wanna make certain that

0:17:54.310,0:17:56.810
all extra funds that you
can are going toward debt,

0:17:56.810,0:17:57.720
but you don't want it to be

0:17:57.720,0:18:00.050
the very last thing you do, right?

0:18:00.050,0:18:02.850
And that's how you can
see the whole month,

0:18:02.850,0:18:06.530
the whole 30 days, right there beforehand.

0:18:06.530,0:18:07.730
And then you know what you're heading

0:18:07.730,0:18:11.210
into, and it's not the last resort.

0:18:11.210,0:18:15.138
So, I did hear you say that
you are self-employed.

0:18:15.138,0:18:17.390
You're a contract worker?

0:18:17.390,0:18:21.850
- So, I mean, I work a typical
40-hour week for my contract.

0:18:21.850,0:18:24.990
But I think, where we
kind of fall is like,

0:18:24.990,0:18:26.610
okay, we have a budget
for what we wanna spend

0:18:26.610,0:18:28.028
for groceries for the month,

0:18:28.028,0:18:30.870
but that money may not be truly free

0:18:30.870,0:18:34.060
until the end of the month
based on our bill dates.

0:18:34.060,0:18:35.540
- And that's kind of
what coaching is about,

0:18:35.540,0:18:39.730
is just kind of understanding
what your household needs.

0:18:39.730,0:18:42.351
And it sounds like, with you
trying to get out of debt,

0:18:42.351,0:18:46.170
you need a budget that
actually works for you guys

0:18:46.170,0:18:48.530
and you're being proactive.

0:18:48.530,0:18:50.500
I think we need to take
this back a little bit.

0:18:50.500,0:18:53.460
You might need to get some
cushion for two weeks.

0:18:53.460,0:18:54.637
Like, don't be so,

0:18:54.637,0:18:56.750
oh, it's this week and these bills.

0:18:56.750,0:18:58.440
I think we need to bring that back

0:18:58.440,0:19:00.416
at least two weeks and
look at the whole month

0:19:00.416,0:19:03.222
and see if you can get ahead a little bit

0:19:03.222,0:19:06.560
so it's not that feast and famine.
It kinda feels that way.

0:19:06.560,0:19:08.537
- I think that's a fair compromise to say,

0:19:08.537,0:19:11.090
okay, yeah. Let's at least do a month

0:19:11.090,0:19:13.807
so that if anything
comes, we at least say,

0:19:13.807,0:19:17.640
okay, we have about
30 days for, you know,

0:19:17.640,0:19:19.110
us to kinda go through this.

0:19:19.110,0:19:20.930
And we haven't had to use it, but

0:19:20.930,0:19:23.990
if it helps her mind, then
it helps our marriage.

0:19:23.990,0:19:25.950
- Yeah. Yeah.
- So, if it helps her, you know.

0:19:25.950,0:19:27.282
- Look at that good husband right there.

0:19:27.282,0:19:29.780
(loud laughs)

0:19:29.780,0:19:31.040
Well, but you said a couple of things.

0:19:31.040,0:19:33.800
This is motivation for
you to get out of debt,

0:19:33.800,0:19:36.280
because you do not wanna live on the edge

0:19:36.280,0:19:37.937
where you're constantly concerned about,

0:19:37.937,0:19:41.220
oh my gosh, what if I
lose my income, my job?

0:19:41.220,0:19:42.053
Right?

0:19:42.053,0:19:44.380
Using it to motivate you
to get out of debt faster

0:19:44.380,0:19:46.100
is super duper important.

0:19:46.100,0:19:49.621
Yeah, so I've been asking
a lot of questions.

0:19:49.621,0:19:51.300
(laughing loudly)
- That's fine. It's great.

0:19:51.300,0:19:52.780
- What questions do you have for me?

0:19:52.780,0:19:54.880
Because I wanna make certain
that those get answered.

0:19:54.880,0:19:55.760
- Well, here's one.

0:19:55.760,0:19:56.593
So, you know,

0:19:56.593,0:19:58.740
there's the nerd and then
there's a free spirit.

0:19:58.740,0:20:00.081
I can be both.

0:20:00.081,0:20:03.270
What suggestion would you give
when you kind of feel like

0:20:03.270,0:20:05.706
you want to have a free spirit moment,

0:20:05.706,0:20:08.587
but you're thinking about
the goal and you're like,

0:20:08.587,0:20:12.577
and you don't wanna create
tension in the house, you know?

0:20:12.577,0:20:15.440
And so, yeah. Just kinda, I
would say speak to that.

0:20:15.440,0:20:17.950
- I'm gonna speak on it relationally

0:20:17.950,0:20:20.720
and some of the technicalities.

0:20:20.720,0:20:22.280
I'll do the technicalities first.

0:20:22.280,0:20:23.940
One is, you need some cushion.

0:20:23.940,0:20:26.350
Making certain that you
have some wiggle room

0:20:26.350,0:20:28.610
helps reduce the stress around,

0:20:28.610,0:20:31.230
you know, can I do this, or can I do this?

0:20:31.230,0:20:35.050
You've built in the opportunity
to say yes to some stuff

0:20:35.050,0:20:36.340
that comes up throughout the month.

0:20:36.340,0:20:38.930
Relationally, on that piece, though,

0:20:38.930,0:20:41.040
I think timing is important.

0:20:41.040,0:20:42.640
I think not making a big,

0:20:42.640,0:20:45.900
super huge, long budget, you know,

0:20:45.900,0:20:49.806
symposium on one small issue is important.

0:20:49.806,0:20:52.550
And building in that wiggle room.

0:20:52.550,0:20:55.320
So, I think we have to just be willing

0:20:55.320,0:20:58.630
to be open to conversations
with our spouse

0:20:58.630,0:21:00.637
when sometimes it might
feel uncomfortable.

0:21:00.637,0:21:02.710
Hey, I wanna spend this. Is that okay?

0:21:02.710,0:21:07.130
Right? So, just know that that's okay.

0:21:07.130,0:21:08.920
And I think you just
have to set yourself up

0:21:08.920,0:21:12.400
so later on it becomes
something that is just natural.

0:21:12.400,0:21:13.360
Does that make sense?

0:21:13.360,0:21:14.715
- Yes, makes sense.
- Yes.

0:21:14.715,0:21:15.950
Yes, thank you.
- Okay, good deal.

0:21:15.950,0:21:16.960
Well, this was awesome.

0:21:16.960,0:21:18.620
I hope that you got something out of it.

0:21:18.620,0:21:19.657
How do you feel?

0:21:19.657,0:21:20.490
- Great.
- Great.

0:21:20.490,0:21:22.993
I mean, I think this was very helpful.

0:21:22.993,0:21:24.610
I mean, I can definitely see

0:21:24.610,0:21:26.895
how coaching could definitely benefit us

0:21:26.895,0:21:29.220
in this journey of being debt-free.

0:21:29.220,0:21:30.590
- Awesome. Thank you so much.

0:21:30.590,0:21:31.460
This was great.
- Thank you.

0:21:31.460,0:21:33.770
- This was awesome. Thank you.

0:21:33.770,0:21:34.603
- Ericka, that was so great

0:21:34.603,0:21:37.380
because it's a perfect
example of what it looks like

0:21:37.380,0:21:39.760
to sit down with a Ramsey Preferred Coach,

0:21:39.760,0:21:41.020
that third party to come in

0:21:41.020,0:21:43.340
and help with these
conversations about money,

0:21:43.340,0:21:44.720
because it can be really difficult.

0:21:44.720,0:21:45.870
And for all of you,

0:21:45.870,0:21:48.700
I made a little cheat
sheets for six money talks

0:21:48.700,0:21:49.950
every couple needs to have. So make sure

0:21:49.950,0:21:52.310
you download those in my show notes.

0:21:52.310,0:21:55.180
Okay, Ericka, all your years
of sitting down with couples,

0:21:55.180,0:21:58.000
why do you think talking
about money is so difficult?

0:21:58.000,0:21:59.784
Why do people avoid these conversations?

0:21:59.784,0:22:01.770
- Talking about money is vulnerable.

0:22:01.770,0:22:03.840
I mean, a lot of people do not want

0:22:03.840,0:22:05.820
to unmask and tell it all,

0:22:05.820,0:22:08.210
and share all the details.
And they just feel like

0:22:08.210,0:22:09.930
something's gonna get
taken away from them.

0:22:09.930,0:22:12.050
And so, it's important that
people understand that,

0:22:12.050,0:22:14.050
they can have a safe space,
and they can create that.

0:22:14.050,0:22:16.230
And that part makes
it a little bit easier.

0:22:16.230,0:22:18.270
- Oh, that something's
gonna be taken away from them . . .

0:22:18.270,0:22:19.103
That's good.

0:22:19.103,0:22:19.936
Because the couple that's like,

0:22:19.936,0:22:20.769
oh, I want a budget,

0:22:20.769,0:22:22.057
the person that doesn't is like,

0:22:22.057,0:22:23.227
you're gonna take away all my fun.

0:22:23.227,0:22:24.060
What are you doing?

0:22:24.060,0:22:25.020
What are you doing?
- That's exactly right.

0:22:25.020,0:22:26.789
- Okay, so I wanna know,

0:22:26.789,0:22:28.280
because I don't get to do it very often,

0:22:28.280,0:22:29.610
but sitting down, you know,

0:22:29.610,0:22:32.490
one on one with people
and hearing their stories

0:22:32.490,0:22:33.980
and walking them through

0:22:33.980,0:22:35.740
different sessions throughout their life

0:22:35.740,0:22:37.510
of getting them to this place.

0:22:37.510,0:22:39.197
You get to see the lightbulb go on.

0:22:39.197,0:22:40.030
- [Ericka] Yes.

0:22:40.030,0:22:41.160
- And so, what's that been like?

0:22:41.160,0:22:42.540
- Oh, it's fun. It's fun.

0:22:42.540,0:22:43.900
And I repeat it for them.

0:22:43.900,0:22:45.507
When I see the lightbulb go on, I say,

0:22:45.507,0:22:48.220
"I heard you say that
this made a difference."

0:22:48.220,0:22:50.327
Or "I heard you say
that, for the first time,

0:22:50.327,0:22:51.870
you have a credit card paid off."

0:22:51.870,0:22:54.930
And I repeat it, and then
I make certain that they,

0:22:54.930,0:22:58.090
you know, illuminate it so
that they can sink it in.

0:22:58.090,0:22:58.923
You know what I mean?

0:22:58.923,0:23:00.280
And revisit that and know,

0:23:00.280,0:23:02.210
okay, I've made a
difference in my finances.

0:23:02.210,0:23:03.430
It's just awesome.

0:23:03.430,0:23:04.822
- So that's the fun side, of course.

0:23:04.822,0:23:05.655
- It is.

0:23:05.655,0:23:08.560
- But what's the side that,
like, when it's not clicking,

0:23:08.560,0:23:09.430
what does that feel like?

0:23:09.430,0:23:11.560
- Yeah. Well, for me it's tough because

0:23:11.560,0:23:13.920
I wanna plant the seeds, and
I want them to take action,

0:23:13.920,0:23:15.280
and I wanna see the results.

0:23:15.280,0:23:17.410
And sometimes they have
to do the homework,

0:23:17.410,0:23:18.940
and sometimes the homework's hard.

0:23:18.940,0:23:22.124
And, you know, it's easier
for me to just lay out a few,

0:23:22.124,0:23:23.667
you know, bullet points of,

0:23:23.667,0:23:25.027
here's some talking points.

0:23:25.027,0:23:27.047
Let's figure out how
to do that on your own,

0:23:27.047,0:23:29.370
and let's come back and
revisit that next time we meet.

0:23:29.370,0:23:31.730
So, just making sure to encourage them

0:23:31.730,0:23:32.660
in the right direction.

0:23:32.660,0:23:34.174
- I love it. It's not pressure of like,

0:23:34.174,0:23:35.830
you have to do this right now.

0:23:35.830,0:23:38.710
It really is integrating
wise financial principles

0:23:38.710,0:23:39.543
with their story and

0:23:39.543,0:23:41.390
their situation and doing it so well.

0:23:41.390,0:23:43.050
Which you do, you're amazing.

0:23:43.050,0:23:43.883
So, thank you, Ericka.

0:23:43.883,0:23:45.820
Thanks for being on and all your wisdom

0:23:45.820,0:23:47.310
that you've given to hundreds,

0:23:47.310,0:23:49.320
maybe thousands of couples across America.

0:23:49.320,0:23:50.153
I really appreciate it.

0:23:50.153,0:23:51.320
- [Ericka] Thank you.

0:23:51.320,0:23:52.600
- Well, guys, I hope you enjoyed that.

0:23:52.600,0:23:54.260
I hope that you learned something new.

0:23:54.260,0:23:55.167
I hope that you realize,

0:23:55.167,0:23:56.450
wow, I can really
have tough conversations

0:23:56.450,0:23:57.590
with my spouse.

0:23:57.590,0:23:58.930
And that's a good thing.

0:23:58.930,0:24:01.710
And thank you to LaKiesha and Marvin
for being willing to share.

0:24:01.710,0:24:03.180
I know this could be very difficult,

0:24:03.180,0:24:04.570
but I know it's gonna be valuable

0:24:04.570,0:24:06.014
to all of you who are watching.

0:24:06.014,0:24:07.590
And if you think that you and your spouse

0:24:07.590,0:24:09.690
need a third party to
reach your financial goals,

0:24:09.690,0:24:12.010
I want you to connect with
a Ramsey Preferred Coach.

0:24:12.010,0:24:14.700
So, click the link in the
show notes to learn more.

0:24:14.700,0:24:16.500
And thank you guys for watching the show.

0:24:16.500,0:24:19.320
Make sure to subscribe to my
YouTube, Facebook and Podcast.

0:24:19.320,0:24:21.940
And, as always, make sure to
take control of your money

0:24:21.940,0:24:23.539
and create a life you love.

0:24:23.539,0:24:26.122
(bright music)